Founder of Cushing Counseling in the News…..
In the press · Woman's World · 7 min read
Boomers Are Reporting the Most Satisfying Sex — Here's Why That Isn't a Surprise
A 2026 sex survey found people in their 60s and 70s were the most pleasure-led generation of all. Woman's World asked Vanessa Cushing why — and what to do about the three physical changes that most often get in the way.
Written and clinically reviewed by Vanessa Cushing, LPC, NCC, MS — AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, licensed in Virginia & Florida. The Cushing Counseling team covers Virginia, DC, Maryland & Florida.
The short answer
Sex often becomes more satisfying after 60 because couples stop treating intercourse as a pass-or-fail test. As Vanessa Cushing told Woman's World, predictability declines with age — and once a couple broadens past intercourse into the full range of touch, the result is more consistent pleasure, not less. The common obstacles (joint pain, slower arousal, vaginal dryness after menopause) are manageable, and most of them have both a medical and a behavioural answer.
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What the survey actually found
Most of us absorbed the opposite story: desire fades, sex narrows, and by your sixties it is a fond memory. The data keeps refusing to cooperate. Body+Soul's 2026 Sex Census found that baby boomers in their 60s and 70s were the most “pleasure-led” generation surveyed in Australia — and, per VICE's reporting on the same survey, the most likely to express love, deepen intimacy and feel closer to a partner through sex.
Woman's World put that finding to a panel of experts, including Vanessa Cushing, LPC, NCC, MS, AASECT-certified sex and couples therapist and founder of Cushing Counseling. She is also one of the outlet's expert reviewers, which is to say she both contributed to this piece and checked it.
Why letting go of the script makes sex better
“In their 20s and 30s, most couples treat intercourse as a pass or fail test: spontaneous erection, predictable arousal and orgasm every time,” she told the magazine. “With age, that predictability naturally declines for both partners. Counterintuitively, that’s often what unlocks more pleasure—not less.”
The mechanism is not mysterious. “Once a couple lets go of intercourse as the only ‘real’ sex, they broaden into what [Dr. Barry] McCarthy calls the full range of touch: affectionate, sensual, playful and erotic, not just intercourse,” she said. “That fuller menu tends to be more consistently pleasurable than a narrow, goal-driven script ever was.”
Put plainly: a sex life with one acceptable outcome fails often. A sex life with five acceptable outcomes rarely does. Time helps too — fewer distractions, less career and childrearing pressure, and, as the other experts in the piece noted, more permission to ask for what feels good.
The three physical changes that get in the way
The same survey respondents were candid about the obstacles: 66 percent said age had affected their sexual performance and 39 percent cited health-related changes. Vanessa named the three she sees most often in session, and what helps with each. None of this replaces a conversation with your own physician.
1. Joint pain, chronic illness and medication side effects
“Arthritis and joint pain can make certain positions uncomfortable, chronic illness can reduce energy and common medications, including some antidepressants and blood pressure drugs, can blunt desire, arousal or the ability to reach orgasm,” she said.
Her first move is a medical one: tell the prescribing doctor about any change in desire or arousal and ask whether an alternative exists. If low desire is persistent and genuinely distressing — the clinical picture called HSDD — that is also a conversation to have with a physician, including about whether a treatment such as Addyi or Vyleesi might be appropriate for you. That is a question for a prescriber, not a recommendation from us.
The behavioural half is about timing rather than willpower. Be deliberate about being intimate when pain is genuinely lower and energy is higher, instead of forcing the mood on a bad day.
- “Side-lying or seated positions reduce joint strain,” she told the outlet — and pillows can take the load off a hip, knee or shoulder.
- Treat lower-energy days as an opportunity for non-intercourse touch “rather than a day sex is ‘off’” — that keeps intimacy going without demanding more than the body has.
- Take any medication-related change to the prescriber before assuming it is you, your partner, or your relationship.
2. Arousal on a different timeline
“Blood flow and nerve sensitivity change with age, so what used to arouse you in a minute may now take considerably longer and need more direct, sustained touch,” she said. “This is not the same thing as low desire, it’s a different timeline.”
That distinction saves couples a great deal of unnecessary grief. Slower is not indifference, and it is not failure. What helps is making time for intimate touch without the expectation that touch has to turn into intercourse, and saying out loud what feels good now versus what worked ten or twenty years ago.
“Extended manual or oral stimulation, a vibrator for added intensity and staying mentally present rather than anxiously monitoring your own response (what sex therapists call ‘spectatoring’) all help close that gap,” she added. Spectatoring is the quiet killer here: the more closely you watch your own body for evidence of arousal, the less arousal there is to watch.
3. Dryness and discomfort after menopause
“After menopause, declining estrogen reduces natural lubrication and makes vaginal tissue thinner, less stretchy and more easily irritated,” she said. “Doctors call this genitourinary syndrome of menopause, or GSM. The practical effect is that intercourse can go from pleasurable to uncomfortable or even painful (the clinical term is dyspareunia).”
This is the change most likely to end a couple's sex life by attrition — not through a decision, but through sex quietly becoming something to avoid. It is also among the most treatable.
- Spend considerably longer on non-intercourse touch first, so the body is more fully aroused before anything else happens.
- Use lubricant proactively during sex rather than as a rescue when something already hurts.
- Use vaginal moisturisers on a regular schedule, not only around sex.
- “Talk to your gynecologist about vaginal estrogen or other options if dryness persists,” she said. Persistent pain is a medical question, not a stoicism test.
The part that is not about bodies at all
Managing the physical side gets the obstacles out of the way. Staying connected to your own desire is what fills the space afterwards, and Vanessa's advice there is blunt.
“Initiate, ask for what you want and actively guide your partner’s touch rather than waiting to be pleased,” she told the magazine. Many women in this generation were taught to be sexually passive; taking an active role raises your own arousal and spares your partner from guessing.
She also recommends masturbating regularly, alone or with a partner, and leaning into fantasy — both of which keep you in contact with your own arousal rather than treating it as something a partner is supposed to produce on your behalf.
What this looks like in therapy
Couples in their sixties rarely book a session saying “our script is too narrow.” They book because sex stopped a year ago and neither of them wants to be the one to bring it up, or because one partner reads slower arousal as rejection, or because intercourse started to hurt and nobody said so.
The work is usually some combination of three things: naming which part of the problem is medical and routing it to the right clinician, widening the definition of sex so that a given evening can succeed in more than one way, and dismantling the performance monitoring that makes bodies less responsive, not more. Sensate focus — structured, low-pressure touch with the goal removed — is often where that starts.
None of it depends on being 30 again. It depends on being willing to run a different script than the one you learned.
Frequently asked questions
Does sex really get better after 60?
For many people, yes. Body+Soul's 2026 Sex Census found boomers in their 60s and 70s were the most pleasure-led generation surveyed, and the most likely to feel closer to a partner through sex. Vanessa Cushing's explanation in Woman's World: with age, the pass-or-fail intercourse script breaks down, and couples broaden into the full range of touch — which is more consistently pleasurable than a narrow, goal-driven script ever was.
Why does arousal take longer as I get older?
“Blood flow and nerve sensitivity change with age, so what used to arouse you in a minute may now take considerably longer and need more direct, sustained touch,” she told Woman's World. She is clear that this is a different timeline, not low desire. Extended manual or oral stimulation, a vibrator, and staying present rather than monitoring your own response all help.
What is spectatoring?
Watching and evaluating your own sexual response while it is happening — checking whether you are aroused enough, hard enough, close enough. It pulls attention out of the body and reliably reduces the response you are checking for. Staying mentally present is the antidote.
Sex has become painful since menopause. Is that normal, and is it fixable?
It is common and it is treatable. Lower estrogen reduces lubrication and makes vaginal tissue thinner and more easily irritated — genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), which can make intercourse uncomfortable or painful (dyspareunia). Longer non-intercourse touch first, proactive lubricant and scheduled vaginal moisturisers all help; if dryness persists, ask your gynecologist about vaginal estrogen or other options.
Could my medication be affecting my sex life?
It can. Some antidepressants and blood pressure medications can blunt desire, arousal or the ability to reach orgasm. Tell the prescribing doctor about the change and ask whether an alternative is available — that is a medical conversation, and a very ordinary one.
What positions help if joint pain is the problem?
“Side-lying or seated positions reduce joint strain, pillows can provide support,” she said — and treating lower-energy days as an opportunity for non-intercourse touch rather than a day sex is ‘off’ keeps intimacy going without demanding more than the body has.
Is low desire after 60 just part of ageing?
Not necessarily. Persistent, distressing low desire has a clinical name (HSDD) and options worth discussing with a physician. It is also frequently downstream of something else — pain, medication, slower arousal misread as rejection, or years of a narrow sexual script. Sorting out which is which is much of what sex therapy does.
Keep reading
- About Vanessa Cushing, LPC, NCC, MS — AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, licensed in Virginia and Florida; the Cushing Counseling team covers Virginia, D.C., Maryland and Florida.
- Press & Publications — Every outlet that has quoted or published her.
- Sex Therapy — Desire, arousal, pain and mismatched libido, in plain terms.
- Couples Therapy — When sex stopped and nobody wanted to raise it.
Also on this site
Clinical resources this page draws on
- Woman's World — Baby Boomers Are Reporting the Most Satisfying Sex Lives — The original feature, with Vanessa's full comments and the other experts interviewed. She is also the piece's expert reviewer.
- VICE — reporting on the Body+Soul 2026 Sex Census — Where the survey figures quoted in the article were reported.
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