Good-Enough Sex: A Healthier Way to Think About Intimacy
Many people carry unrealistic expectations about sex—expectations that quietly undermine pleasure, confidence, and connection.
Barry McCarthy introduced the concept of good-enough sex as an antidote to performance pressure and perfectionism. Rather than striving for flawless encounters, good-enough sex focuses on connection, flexibility, and shared pleasure.
This shift is not about lowering standards.
It’s about setting human ones.
Why Performance-Based Sex Backfires
When sex is treated as something that must:
Always be passionate
Always include specific outcomes
Always meet a partner’s expectations
…it often becomes stressful rather than connecting.
Performance pressure increases anxiety, self-monitoring, and fear of failure—three of the biggest obstacles to pleasure.
Good-enough sex removes the demand to “get it right” and replaces it with curiosity and responsiveness.
What Good-Enough Sex Actually Means
Good-enough sex is:
Mutual, not perfect
Flexible, not scripted
Focused on pleasure, not performance
Responsive to context and energy
Grounded in emotional safety
Some encounters may be deeply erotic.
Others may be tender, playful, or brief.
All can still be meaningful.
Why This Matters in Long-Term Relationships
In long-term relationships, desire naturally fluctuates. Stress, health, aging, and life transitions all influence intimacy.
Couples who expect sex to look the same forever often feel discouraged or disconnected.
Couples who adopt a good-enough framework tend to:
Experience less pressure
Communicate more openly
Stay connected during difficult seasons
Maintain intimacy over time
Therapy and the Good-Enough Model
Sex therapy often helps couples:
Release rigid expectations
Normalize variability in desire
Rebuild pleasure without pressure
Strengthen emotional and erotic teamwork
Good-enough sex supports long-term intimacy because it honors reality—not fantasy.
