Couples therapy · 4 min read
The Gottman Method for couples
A practical, research-based approach to conflict, friendship and trust.
Written and clinically reviewed by Vanessa Cushing, LPC, NCC, MS — AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, licensed in Virginia & Florida. The Cushing Counseling team covers Virginia, DC, Maryland & Florida.
The short answer
The Gottman Method is a couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman from decades of research observing real couples. It gives partners concrete tools to manage conflict, strengthen friendship and rebuild trust, often starting with a detailed assessment of where the relationship stands.
Book a free 15-minute consultation
If conflict has started to feel like the whole relationship, a free 15-minute call is a calm place to start.
The 'Four Horsemen'
The Gottmans describe four habits that wear relationships down: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Each has an antidote — for example, a gentle start-up instead of criticism, or taking a break to calm down instead of stonewalling.
What sessions look like
- An assessment of strengths and stuck points, often with questionnaires.
- Learning to start hard conversations gently and repair when they go off track.
- Building the friendship: knowing each other's world and turning towards bids for connection.
- Working on the problems that will never fully go away — so you can talk about them without gridlock.
Gottman and intimacy
Friendship and trust are often the ground that desire grows from. When sexual concerns need their own attention, we combine Gottman work with sex therapy.
Frequently asked questions
How is Gottman different from EFT?
Gottman tends to be more skills-based and structured; EFT focuses more on the emotions and attachment needs underneath conflict. Many couples benefit from either, and a consultation can help you choose.
Who uses the Gottman Method on your team?
Alexandria Da Ponte Cheatham draws on the Gottman Method in her couples work in Virginia.
Who on your team can see us?
Noelle Harris and Alexandria Da Ponte Cheatham currently have waitlists. Jennifer Fuller, LMFT, is taking new couples in Virginia and South Carolina. A free consultation is the quickest way to be matched.
Does it help after an affair?
The Gottmans have a specific approach to affair recovery, and we also offer dedicated infidelity counseling.
Keep reading
- The same fight, over and over
- Communication problems: is it time for couples therapy?
- Infidelity counseling
- The pursue–withdraw desire cycle
Also on this site
- Couples therapy — How couples work at Cushing Counseling.
- Meet the team — See who is taking new clients.
- Book a free consultation — Fifteen minutes, no pressure to continue.
Clinical resources this page draws on
- The Gottman Institute — Founded by Drs. John and Julie Gottman; research and couples resources.
- AASECT — Find a certified sex therapist — Useful if you live outside the states our team serves.
Next step
Not sure where to start? Take the free 6-question assessment, or book a 15-minute consultation.